I scream, you scream, we all scream for Klan ice cream!

Inspired by Snoopy of The Local (and taken far too literally by others)...

Swedish ice cream makers, GB Glace, sparked a controversy last year when introducing a new ice cream bar, Nogger Black. Nogger Black is a (black) licorice flavored ice cream bar.

To stereotype Swedes, all Swedes love black licorice. All of them. That's right, all 9 million Swedes love the shit.

While GB Glace was most attentive to the needs of the consumer, they innocently overlooked the fact that Nogger Black may be deemed a trifle bit offensive. The picture above was created by some sinister minded Swedes (ok...comically brilliant Swedes) to parody Nogger Black confection.

Neither, in my opinion, can hold a candle to Piggelin, though.

Huh?

Ummmm....from the more things I just don't understand files....

This afternoon, while watching the news, a commercial came on for popcorn. I really do not care for popcorn. The smell makes me a little queasy. Apparently, I am not alone. Dock's boss wouldn't allow microwaves in the office for years because he hates the smell of popcorn, too. The staff had to solemnly swear that they would never make popcorn in the office in order to have a microwave.

To my point...the commercial.

The commercial lauds its gourmet popcorn (nothing that can be feed for cattle and chickens should ever be considered, "gourmet" imho). The commercial speaks to, "hand-crafted" popcorn. This has me thinking...what makes popcorn hand-crafted? Is this something Santa's elves do in the off-season? Do they sit at little tables in a workshop and individually carve the popcorn? Do they make funny shapes? If so, why are the shapes so limited? Couldn't we have some more interesting forms other than the mushroomy one and the one that looks like...um...popcorn?

Talk about a lack of creativity.

Hand-crafted popcorn. Today's most ridiculous marketing campaign.

The Burger Quest

Everyone who knows our branch of the family tree knows that we love bar food. The greasier, the worse it is for you, the better! There is no length to the limits we will go to seek out the perfect cheeseburger, either. My sister and her husband have domain over the Washington, DC area. If there is a good burger joint up there, they know about it. My father and I are the Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill area scouts.

Today...Dock and I continue the quest for the perfect burger. On the agenda today, a sampling of Cheeburger Cheeburger, which just opened in the Brierdale shopping center near our home. I am fairly optimistic about this, as this appears to be a serious burger joint. They respectfully ask that you come prepared to wait at least fifteen minutes for your meal. All cheeseburgers are cooked to order. Mmmmmm. Not only do they offer the standard french fries, but onion rings are available, too. And...cheese sauce!!! A cheese sauce bath for the frites and rings. What more could you want? Oh wait...Milk shakes, too!!!!

I am hoping to add Cheeburger Cheeburger to my list of best places to go for a cheeseburger in the Triangle. I'm drooling in anticipation of a bleu cheese, bacon and onion ring burger. I cannot wait.

There are several other places in the Triangle area for fantastic burgers, though. They are, in no particular order, listed below:

• Abbey Road Tavern & Grille - Cary, NC
• Five Guys Famous Burgers and Fries - Raleigh and Durham, NC
• Sawmill Tap Room - Raleigh, NC

Of those listed, nothing beats a sauteed mushroom and onion cheesebomb from Five Guys. That is my guiltiest pleasure in life (aside from coffin tacks). Nothing quells the storm of PMS like a Five Guys burger.

Abbey Road will cook up your hunk of beast in any fashion you desire, eschewing the ridiculous mandates of the North Carolina Health Department. So...if it is blood you desire, go to Abbey Road and enjoy your burger tartare.

The Sawmill Tap Room makes a fantastic burger, multiple ways. And...there is always that order of fried pickle chips to keep you coming back.

Wish us luck this afternoon. Hopefully, we will have another place to add to the list of guilty pleasures.

Oy! You say you feel like shit????

Oy vey! You say you have a cold? Vat? Perhaps a virus???

Nothing works better for what ails you like a big, steaming bowl of Jewish Penicillin. That's right...chicken soup. Or...in this case, matzoh ball soup. Mmmmmmmm. Deeeee-lish!!!

Matzoh balls are not to be confused with other ball shaped food like Rocky Mountain Oysters. I am not even sure they are Kosher. tsk tsk tsk

Eat up, get some rest and feel better soon!!! Otherwise...it's off to the doctor for you.

Anticipation

I finally located some fromage blanc and saucisson. I had to order it on-line from igourmet. The order is due to arrive today at some point.

I'm hoping to whip up a tarte flambée this evening for Dock. However, I just read that the pâte à pain is going to take three hours to proof.

So...should I trust Dock to make the dough or should we just eat dinner at 22:00???? Maybe we would be better off if I dispatched Dock to the store for a fresh baguette for the saucisson. Hmmm.

Or...we could just take that fat check from Uncle Sam (tax refund) and blow it on dinner.?. Given the mood I'm in this morning, I may not feel like screwing around in the kitchen for a few hours trying to perfect a new recipe.

Spotted Dick

Normally...I eschew advertising on websites. Gmail's advertising is fairly clever, though. They employ some sort of bizarre methodology that provides you with adverts based on certain words in your e-mail.

Recently, my dear Littlefair and I have been conversing about the Southern delicacy, Banana Pudding. Mmmmm. Gmail's magical program peppered my sponsored links column with all sorts of puddings. Chocolate pudding. Bread and butter pudding. Spotted Dick from the UK.

Wwwhhhha....whhhat...what's that you say? Spotted Dick? I was talking about pudding not vd (and not verkställande direktör, either)! Anyhoooo...there is, apparently, a pudding served in the UK called, "Spotted Dick." For all my peeps kickin' it in da UK...would you please comment and enlighten this knuckle dragging Yank? I thought we were to avoid Spotted Dick like the plague.

A Little Slice of Heaven

A few months ago, I noticed a new eatery under construction in our local shopping center. Stenciled in the window is the word, "baguettes." I couldn't help but wonder if I was going to be able to find actual saucisson in Raleigh. I stalked this place for about two months, waiting for it to open. It has and I have found a new home away from home.

Elod's European Bistro in Brier Creek is nothing short of marvelous. Mostly European Brasserie fare, there is a very strong Hungarian influence. The goulash is simply divine. Dock and I split two sandwiches...one Hungarian salami and farmers cheese, one Corsican tuna salad (no mayonnaise!), an order of cucumber salad (tons of paprika) and the yummy goulash. Not that we had any room in our tummies to spare...but we force fed ourselves dessert. All washed down with some of the best espresso I have found outside of Europe (not the shit at Starphuck's or any other "coffee house").

It has been so long since I have food this good. I actually shook the owner's hand when we left. We would return tomorrow, but he takes Sundays off. Damn. Well...there's always Monday. Until then, I'm dreaming of a steaming bowl of cabbage soup and a hunk of crusty bread.

Raleigh might not be the worst place to live, after all.

Fortune Cookie

Cheap chinese for lunch today. Me and the contruction workers. Mmmmm.

My fortune: Better aim at the moon than shoot into the well.

Bachelorette Diet

Dock's away. I have to feed myself. These episodes are not monuments to nutrition.

This morning:
2 cups of very strong, black coffee

This afternoon:
Handful of tater tots (to aid in curing a hangover)
2 Thin mint girlscout cookies (to rid mouth of tot taste)
1 8 oz glass of coke
1 16 oz glass of filtered, tap water
2 tylenol
1 lexapro

I'm waiting for Julie and DeeDee to haul their bony asses over here so I can begin consuming the wine and beer. It's only so much fun to drink alone.

This evening:
1 singulair
1 zyrtec
2 puffs from the asthma bong

DeeDee and Julie to arrive at any minute. I can wait no longer...off to kitchen for beer.

Aie!

There's cake in the kitchen. A giant, chocolate cake with "non-dairy icing." A giant chocolate cake with non-dairy icing taunting me. Heckling me, it is.

Bad cake! Naughty cake! Go to your room.

*head explodes*

Schoolboys, Pimps & Bears...oh my!

6 minutes until tea.

tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock......