Why Dock Ellis Should Not Be Permitted to Shop...

All right. He should be permitted to shop. With a disclaimer or a warning sign.

A few years ago, while trolling Crabtree Valley Mall on a boring Sunday afternoon, Dock and Kodos venture into Restoration Hardware. I needed a door stop of sorts for the door between the kitchen and the dining room. I'm fussy so I was looking for something interesting but not expensive (hence the trip to the "maul" as opposed to an antique store).

Sitting on the sofa, in the spirit of Halloween (did I mention it was Halloween), was a skeleton. Dock takes the skeleton's hand, manipulates the fingers and jams them in the nasal cavity. Dock then leaves the store. Nary a staff member noticed and the skeleton was visible from the promenade in the mall, "digging for gold" as we say.

I bought a cast iron frog-prince out of guilt.

Now...Dock's newest prank is one I support. At the Barnes & Noble at Brier Creek in Raleigh, they apparently have a display of BillO's (Bill O'Reilly of Faux N00z) latest screed. Dock has repetitively gone into Barnes & Noble, picked up a copy of Keith Olbermann's Worst Person in the World book (prominently featuring O'Reilly on the cover) and strategically placed it on the stack of BillO's books, obstructing the view.

Note: he has not made any purchases at Barnes & Noble recently. He is merely engaging in tomfoolery.

Dock Ellis...the embodiment of retail horror.