Heh...

My Uncle Duck says, "Time is the big Band-Aid." A beautifully simple, yet profound statement that I have oft relied upon through this oh, so fun journey we call daily existence/life.

Off and on, throughout the past few months, I have been bemoaning about a specific angst, which has been troubling me. The bloggy-blog has been quite a wonderful vehicle for my rants and vents. Albeit, a little embarrassing to read now that the stormy waters have quieted a bit.

At the risk of saber rattling, things seem to be calming down. The delightful e-mails have abated. The trolling has ceased. I started feeling a lot more comfortable in public (forums) and certainly a lot more relaxed. I found myself coming out of my crab shell again. Even scarier, resuming the somewhat out-going posture I have towards complete strangers on t3h intarwebs. My security lead me to pursue a friendship with a random stranger which has proven to be not only delightful, but remotely reassuring in the sense that not all people floating around in cyberspace are complete freaks.

Until two weeks ago, that is.

One of my demons, my closet skeletons reappeared, along with all the baggage and bullshit he brings along with him. Initially, I was not pleased. As a matter of fact, I was borderline furious and most certainly jarred and emotional. How dare the non-person reappear in my world after dumping a pile of shit (with assistance from his equally enchanting, hyper-critical sister) in my lap, so steaming, I could have filed a law suit based on the precedent setting MacDonald's coffee case?

It is entirely too easy to manipulate and twist those who try to find the positive in everything. It is entirely too easy to manipulate and twist those who are vulnerable. For so much as I openly gripe and try to make light of a situation with satire, for as hard as I try to display an aura of fortitude, I am still the same person who will sit up a night and worry myself into a frenzy.

I had a difficult decision to make. Do I reach out and let the shitstorm back into my world or do I remain silent, keeping the door not only shut, but also dead-bolted? It is not my nature to shut people out. It is not my nature to hold grudges. I will doggedly try to make everything work.

This is one instance where I could not.

I had to rise above the bait and maintain a very cool and aloof posture (something which, I have been told by numerous people, I elevate to an art form). I could not reciprocate. I could not do anything to initiate direct contact. I had to keep the door to the past shut. I had to resist the temptation to be cordial. Basically...I had to take a path entirely unknown and unexplored by me previously. It was tough but I see it paying dividends now.

Uncle Duck's comment about time being the big band-aid is so very true. Time has passed, the hurt and anger have transformed into ambivalence and indifference. My need to make everything in my world glorious and harmonious has been supplanted with a more pragmatic, realistic outlook.

Some people...some people are simply toxic and bad. There are relationships that are of no benefit to either party. There are times when you simply need to look ahead. The loss I felt has been filled with a feeling of empowerment, a greater sense of self and a sense of emotional fortitude I did not realize I possessed.

The wounds have healed. It's time to move forward. Without carrying the baggage of others, no matter how much they think they need my attention or me.