The Witch Hunt

Or in my case, The Bitch Hunt.

At the behest of many close to me, I have been refraining from writing about anything personal (aside from politics and religion, two very socially acceptable topics) lately. I have been trying to limit my commentary on things specifically Kodos oriented, as the prophecy self-fulfilled. My words were used against me.

So...I stopped writing about being sick.

As the twisting and artful research conducted by others for their own gain, continues...I have decided that the content of my blog matters little. Those who are irritated by my words will remain irritated. Those who find my rationale behind using such a mechanism to voice my concerns, opinions and thoughts will still twist, modify, take things out of context for their own benefit.

What is that saying, "there is no such thing as bad publicity?" One has readers who read because they enjoy it. One has readers who read because to not engage in schadenfreudish behavior would mean they would have to reflect upon themselves, a far too scary concept for them to digest, let alone practice.

For months, beginning in December 2005, I have been battling some mysterious yuck. I have been slapped the label of medical mystery. I continue to feel like crap on a daily basis. Some days, really crappy...others not so crappy. But there is a crap like feel for me to endure each day.

The problem with these weird, crappy illnesses is that people fail to accept them as true. When you have funny things creeping around your blood, when you have odd CBC results, when you run a fever daily, when you lose a significant amount of weight in a short time...people do not see that there is a problem. People can only accept what they see with their own eyes. If you have the misfortune of being ill and you do not sport a cast...watch out! Soon, you too, will be called a lying nancy pants.

I suppose I am extremely frustrated with the lack of compassion and support I see exhibited on a daily basis. I am not a drama queen nor am I a drama whore (sorry dissenters...I am far from that). I am not seeking anything but understanding. If your limited mind-set does not allow you to understand, then I seek your silence...not criticism and condescension.

People typically lack the ability to be empathetic. They typically let their value set and uninformed assumptions make decisions for them. That is fine. Be as narrow minded as you so desire. But when your assumptions start negatively impacting my life, please do not act surprised if I take umbrage at your apathy. Please do not act surprised if I tell you, in my own adorable way, that I find you to be a lesser person. Most of all, please do not be surprised by my indifference to your pain and suffering when it arises as you have pushed me so far away from caring about you, that I find it difficult to embrace those who have violated me so deeply.

I suppose, through my rant, I am trying to convey the message that, "you only know what you know." When you drift into the waters of ignorance, allow your assumptions to make the final ruling without considering any other extraneous facts...you need to eat that. That portion will also be served with a side of resentment and lack of trust. Resentment and lack of trust that will remain, ever lasting, within the heart and mind of those you hurt.

I pray daily that no one experiences what I am experiencing. It doesn't make me a better person, by any stretch. However, it does make me compassionate and empathetic. Something my critics seem to be lacking.

Oh...and silence and ignorance of the elephant in the room because you think you do not know what to say or you think you have all the answers...conveys the same message as anything else. It tells the world you do not give a shit.

Again. Fine posture. Just so long as you expect reciprocity for your shitty behavior.

I am going to continue to write, journal, capture my thoughts, whatever. I am going to continue to write because I enjoy writing and have been told that I have an aptitude and affinity for the word. I should hope you continue to read. I should ask that you remove your blinders when you do, however. There are human beings behind the words. Human beings with valid feelings and challenges to navigate. Human beings that should not live and die by your ignorant and arrogant assumptions.

Your value-set is exactly that. Yours. Do not be surprised if respect for yours is not forthcoming when you withhold your respect from others, either.