The Days of Awe

Melanie, as always, is keeping her eyes and ears open for me. As it is the Days of Awe, as I should be contemplating my existence, my sins, etc... Melanie thought she would help me along in my journey of introspection.

Call 1-888-OOPS-JEW

Fans of The Colbert Report know that host Stephen Colbert has been taking the 10 Days of Teshuvah very seriously this year.

The days between Rosh Hashanah (last Saturday and Sunday) and Yom Kippur (this Sunday night into Monday) are among the most important in the Jewish calendar, a time for spiritual renewal and repentance. Ever the helpful faux pundit, Colbert has installed a special phone to allow his Jewish friends to call him to apologize.

Initially, the phone number was impossible to access, since it featured Hebrew characters. On Tuesday (Sept. 26) night's show, though, Colbert admitted that he was shocked to discover that Jews don't use phones with Hebrew letters and adjusted accordingly, announcing the new number as 1-888-OOPS-JEW (or 1-888-667-7539).

When instructed by TV personalities to call phone numbers or visit websites, I do.

Those calling the number are greeted by Colbert's cheery voice:

"Shalom and welcome to Stephen Colbert's Atonement Hotline. At the beep, please be a mensch and unburden your soul by stating how you've wronged me, Stephen Colbert. Your call will not be returned, but selected apologies may be broadcast on the air. You should be so lucky."

A female voice cuts in to provide the necessary disclaimers, but stick around for the final kicker courtesy of Colbert, who chirps up at the end "And she's single!"

How have you phucked up this past year? Tell me your sins and I will tell you mine. Maybe.