Stop the abuse!!!

Time to change how we spell wurdz?
Group wants Americans to adopt phonetic spelling

Of the many things that make my blood boil; there is no greater offense than the massacre of the English language. Go ahead; say I'm snooty like the French. Accuse me of wanting an Anglo version of L'Académie française. I do not care. I cannot stand it when people misspell words. I just cannot. It sparks the burning desire of wanting to take a red pencil and scribble like a mad English teacher.

I am in no way a master of all things grammatically correct. I spent a semester in Dr Falkensten's Advanced Diction & Rhetoric class in high school. I learned enough to know when I'm making a mistake. I took the course way, way, way back in my youth and have forgotten most of it. Or...should I say, I know enough to know that I'm not always correct. But at least I can spell and/or use the damn dictionary when I am stumped.

Reading MSNBC today (and consequently being rather unproductive at work), I stumbled across an article that sent shivers down my crooked spine. Apparently, there is a group of people who think that we should overhaul our dear language to facilitate the learning process. These idiots want to change the spelling of all words to reflect "phonetic pronunciation." These idiots are clearly misguided, as phonetic pronunciation includes the eth and schwa (hey...if I had to sit through phonetics in college, someone is going to listen to my useless knowledge). Anyhooo...this movement would like to see our language look like this:

"Lurning English reqierz roet memory rather than lojic, he sed."

What the PHUCK????

English is English. There is no need to make any changes. Has everyone forgotten about the push for Ebonics? Is it any wonder that people are so entirely devoid of knowledge that they cannot spell properly?

Case in Point:

I was trolling through the forum on The Local the other day and I saw a thread regarding the England/Portugal football match. The author spelled "we're" as "weare." I am not kidding. And this person's mother tongue is ENGLISH.

People who can neither spell nor reference a dictionary need to be culled from the herd and shot on sight. Or...sterilised. I'm not a huge fan of Eugenics but sometimes, just sometimes, certain people should not reproduce. It is an extreme way to preserve a language, but if it keeps me from reading crap like that...I'm all for it.

It is one thing to make a typo. We all do it. My fingers do not work in direct correlation with my brain at times. Spell Check is not always your friend. That said, I still have the capacity to write a proper sentence and spell. And so should you!

Aaaaaaie!!!!

Phew. I need a drink.

Lastly...for those of you who care, you can access Merriam-Webster OnLine here.